Dear "Big Jim", If you'd just admit it!

I am convinced that it would take only one thing for you to turn around all your negative publicity. Seriously. Just get booked on a big ol' show like Larry's or Oprah's and this time, instead of stuttering and qualifying and sounding like a dolt, just take a big, deep breath, square your shoulders and say, "Okay. Let's face it. I just wanted everyone to think I'm a bad ass. A BAD ASS!!!!!!"

That's it. That's the truth, so help you God, and then everyone would think you're really cool. Which you're not.

* Send letters for James to jamesfreyowesmemoney@gmail.com.